Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
