I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
