So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
