The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
