They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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