Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
