I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
