I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
