I want to stick my p in your. b.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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