and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
