You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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