You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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