i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
