Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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