i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
