he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
