Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
