I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
