she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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