I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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