You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
