His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize