this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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