I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
this beer tastes like vomit already
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
