24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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