What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
