Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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