hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
