idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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