this beer tastes like vomit already
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
