that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
