low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
