I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize