So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
