Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
