I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
