Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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