May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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