summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
