ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
