Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize