i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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