he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize