Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize