If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
there was a trapeze. enough said
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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