Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
