I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
