I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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