Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
