I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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