I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
