whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize