She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize