All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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