New invention idea: vibrating tampons
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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