I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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