The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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