i think i have two assholes
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
