Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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