it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize