Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
