So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
